It’s a Choice!

There I was in the coffee shop when I said it; when it happened. I was counseling a client to respond more positively in an adverse situation instead of being reactionary and thinking he was being attacked all the time, before he had all the details. The words popped out before I knew it. Moments before, I had abruptly ended a company board meeting because of how he was responding to a situation. I didn’t really think about what I was saying before I said it. I had sent the other partners back to work and told him to go get the car. I was angry. As we drove to the coffee shop we argued a bit, but managed to calm down by the time we got to the table. “You have to make a personal decision to respond in a more positive tone” I said as my client inhaled to rebuff my words. The expression just flew over my tongue and out at my client before I knew what was happening. “IT”S A CHOICE” I said. And then it happened.

The feeling started in my abdomen, came rushing up through my chest into my throat where by the grace of god I was able to choke it back before it came flowing out of my tear ducts as I sank helplessly into a puddle on the floor. I had I just spoken my father’s words; words that I had heard countless times over the years. Never before had those words seemed so profound. A realization dawned on me as I choked back my emotions. On only the second day after dad’s memorial celebration I had realized there would be times when his influence would come rushing out of me. I made a mental note not to be surprised by it next time and a promise to myself to let it flow when it did. Dad’s outlook on life is just too powerful not to share; it would be selfish of me to keep it as my-own.

As the story goes, every time someone told dad to have a nice day he would respond the same, “It’s a choice you know”, he would say. If they took the bait they would say, “What?” and dad would smile; he knew he had them now. He would then go on to explicate the finer points of the power of thinking positively for several more minutes. “Having a nice day is a choice,” he would say, “a decision. Once you’ve decided to have a nice day you will.” When it comes to applying the It’s a choice” method, having a nice day is just the tip of the iceberg. Every situation we might encounter in life is a choice. We may have only one option open to us in the most difficult of situations but how we respond to it is a choice. Regardless of the severity of a situation or the number of options we have open to us we always have a choice as to how we will respond. Even in death my father had this message to share.

You may have noticed when I mentioned dad’s memorial, I didn’t say funeral. I said celebration. He would have it no other way. He didn’t want a casket, nor did he want a ride in a hearse or a gravesite where we could go to rejuvenate our sadness. He didn’t want a hung-down, brung-down, whoa is me tear fest. He wanted a celebration – a party! “Sing and dance”, he once told me, “have a party… a celebration and a feast. I know I’ll be celebrating and so should all of you!” Dad was a devout Christian and had absolutely no fear of what was to come after death. In fact, he rather liked the idea of moving on. His favorite holiday was All Saints Day with Easter running a close second. I’m confident he thought heaven was going to be a pretty cool place to be.

The most enjoyable part of the party for me was watching folks walk into the church. Sadly they walked through the entranceway; their heads hung low, hands folded in front of them. As they entered the sanctuary their expressions changed to bewilderment and awe. There were colorful balloons, streamers and confetti all about the room. Some stopped to consider, no doubt, if they where in the right place. Others, those who knew dad well, simply shook their heads chuckling and wondering how they could have expected anything else. For those who knew him well would know he had chosen for us to rejoice instead of reveling in the sadness of loss. There were hundreds of people by the way. The sanctuary and balcony where full, the isles where standing room only, the crowd overflowed out the front doors, covered the steps and went down the sidewalk a little ways. People liked my dad. His characteristic determination to remain positive made him a lot of friends over the years, but it was a choice. He chose, always, to see the positive in a situation.

Each of us are continually presented with situations to which we must respond, every day. Each time a situation presents itself we must choose how we will address it. Most of us don’t take the time to consider what effect our response will have on the situation – we just respond. When we take a split second to think about our response we can almost always recognize a better, or more productive way to respond. Most of us however lack the patience to take a moment, especially those working in the high stress World of Livery. We live in a NOW environment and we are in the YES business.

As a parent it is easy to see the effect of a response written in the expression of our child. When dealing with adults in our business it is not so easy. When we give a harsh response to a child, a young child, many times they will break down and cry. With an adult subordinate the same outward response is unlikely but the root feeling of being shamed is ever present. It’s easy to think that since we are all grown ups we should be thick skinned and able to handle a harsh response. The fact is though that someone who continually receives harsh responses will eventually begin to harbor resentment. If the business owner is lucky, that person will leave the company. If not, they will stay and begin to treat your customer the same way. The latter is much more likely and moreover, the problem will go unnoticed because the boss sees harsh responses as the norm. Only the customer will notice and they will definitely go away.

Part of the celebration was the telling of “Jack Stories”. We gave everyone an opportunity to share a story about my father. One after another folks stood and told us how he affected their life. “He gave me a chance when no one else would; or he showed up in Bermuda shorts that time my company booked the wrong service who didn’t show; or my car broke down and I had no way to get home but Jack came right away…” The list goes on and on. As my brother spoke he reminded me of something dad said long ago when we were still in grade school. Something he only mentioned once or twice but lived by every day of his life. The whole “it’s a choice” thing simply fell right into a place of perfect understanding.

I had wondered how dad was able to consistently maintain a positive attitude. What was the common thread? How did he just happen to get it right so much if the time? How could he face the most adverse circumstances with such a positive outlook? All the time I had the answer. Like my father, I was already living by it and in my case, didn’t even know it. What is the basis for this choice I am writing about? If I didn’t already have the answer I may well be referring to the mother of my firstborn child as “some chick I met on vacation” instead of my wife of 11 years. If I didn’t already have the answer my world would indeed be a very different place. What was the common denominator? “Life is about choices” dad told us. “In everything you do, in every choice you make… Choose Love.” These two simple words, that hold immeasurable strength, are the very basis of my father’s remarkable outlook.

So, my friends in the World of Livery join me in a toast of celebration. Join me in celebrating the life of this wonderful man that I was lucky enough to call my father. Join me in making choices based on kindness and consideration for those it will effect. Join me in choosing love. It won’t let us down.

And have a nice day! It’s a choice you know…

In memory of Jack Harrison, 1940 – 2008